So I am driving away from Starbucks headed to another Starbucks to just hang out some more. I am attempting to follow Jesus in my life, but I try to keep this fact under cover because I do such a poor job at it that I do not want to tarnish Christianity even more than it already is...if that's possible. I am doing my very best to not go to church as well. I have some big beefs with church, but perhaps my explanations should wait for another time, if at all.
Okay, back to driving today. There is this church that God keeps popping into my brain to go to. (For any reader not of the Christian faith, this is where you appropriately label me as crazy, weird, with magical thinking tendencies). When God does this to me, I just give into it any more. I never win. I knew this church was having some sort of laid back communion gathering, so I point my Toyota in that direction, and ask myself "what am I doing" the whole way there. I know why I am going. When "I Am" sits on your shoulder and tells you to go, are there any options? I have yet to find 'em.
I get to the church and the lights are very dim with candles and I see the communion stuff. Only now they are watching a movie...argh. It's Mel Gibson's The Passion. There was such a ruckus about this movie when it came out that I never went to it because I got so tired of hearing about it. I still missed some of the beginning; how much I dunno...Jesus was in the garden praying.
The blood and gore stuff did not impact me much because I have always felt my imagination was worse than any movie could depict. What I found surprisingly moving was the way the movie portrayed the relationships in Jesus' life. That was a wonderful surprise for me.
I have always felt that as much as I would have liked to have been one of the "good guys" had I lived back in those times of Jesus' crucifixion, I know I would have been one of those in the crowd shouting for his death, or even one of the scribes if I would have been "lucky" enough to have been successful back then. That's sobering.
When I daydream about what it would have been like to have been living back when Jesus lived, I always dream about stalking Jesus. Yep, stalking. I like thinking about hiding behind trees and walls and just watching Him from afar. I am too scared to hear what he would say to me...yeah, I am weird and crazy. I have always heard what other people would say or ask Jesus if they lived back then. Not me! Although, there is one thing that would have been wonderful to have experienced had I lived back then.
I have always wanted to stand beside Jesus and have Him put His hand on my shoulder. Of course He would have to sneak up on me to do it. I would not want Him to say anything, just touch my shoulder or grab my forearm. That would be all I would want. I imagine that this touch would be healing and that all of my past would be healed without anything said. It's a wonderful daydream that I will take to my grave, and if you are as weird and crazy as I am to have this faith, I have this other daydream that when I actually do get to hang out with Him for the first time, He won't say anything to me then.
...so it strikes me that I don't mind having the "I Am" sitting on my shoulder telling me to go to church as much as I like to complain about it. I'll take His touch whenever I can get it. Happy Easter...He has Risen!
Shalom!
Okay, back to driving today. There is this church that God keeps popping into my brain to go to. (For any reader not of the Christian faith, this is where you appropriately label me as crazy, weird, with magical thinking tendencies). When God does this to me, I just give into it any more. I never win. I knew this church was having some sort of laid back communion gathering, so I point my Toyota in that direction, and ask myself "what am I doing" the whole way there. I know why I am going. When "I Am" sits on your shoulder and tells you to go, are there any options? I have yet to find 'em.
I get to the church and the lights are very dim with candles and I see the communion stuff. Only now they are watching a movie...argh. It's Mel Gibson's The Passion. There was such a ruckus about this movie when it came out that I never went to it because I got so tired of hearing about it. I still missed some of the beginning; how much I dunno...Jesus was in the garden praying.
The blood and gore stuff did not impact me much because I have always felt my imagination was worse than any movie could depict. What I found surprisingly moving was the way the movie portrayed the relationships in Jesus' life. That was a wonderful surprise for me.
I have always felt that as much as I would have liked to have been one of the "good guys" had I lived back in those times of Jesus' crucifixion, I know I would have been one of those in the crowd shouting for his death, or even one of the scribes if I would have been "lucky" enough to have been successful back then. That's sobering.
When I daydream about what it would have been like to have been living back when Jesus lived, I always dream about stalking Jesus. Yep, stalking. I like thinking about hiding behind trees and walls and just watching Him from afar. I am too scared to hear what he would say to me...yeah, I am weird and crazy. I have always heard what other people would say or ask Jesus if they lived back then. Not me! Although, there is one thing that would have been wonderful to have experienced had I lived back then.
I have always wanted to stand beside Jesus and have Him put His hand on my shoulder. Of course He would have to sneak up on me to do it. I would not want Him to say anything, just touch my shoulder or grab my forearm. That would be all I would want. I imagine that this touch would be healing and that all of my past would be healed without anything said. It's a wonderful daydream that I will take to my grave, and if you are as weird and crazy as I am to have this faith, I have this other daydream that when I actually do get to hang out with Him for the first time, He won't say anything to me then.
...so it strikes me that I don't mind having the "I Am" sitting on my shoulder telling me to go to church as much as I like to complain about it. I'll take His touch whenever I can get it. Happy Easter...He has Risen!
Shalom!
2 comments:
he is risen indeed
Miche, I've always appreciated your honesty! Al
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